“Shoulda, woulda, coulda” is perhaps one of the most constipated words in the human language. For many of us, they carry so much meaning and charged emotions that we are not always aware that they rule us from within.
We have been socialized from a very young age to be proper, polite and to behave in a “right” way. This pigeon holes us into roles, labels, and categories that go against our own wishes, our natural desire to expand and our intelligence.
“Shoulda” is a word we use to adhere blindingly to codes of conduct in order to get herd approval. It is a word we use to mask our deeply conditioned insecurities.
“Woulda” connotes regret. This mentalization leads to disappointment, frustration, and fear.
The same could also be said for “coulda”. We set up these psychological hurdles and then spend all our energy trying to break free from them.
If we want our intelligence to work for us, we must start to get a handle of our mental diet. Start catching yourself every time you use the world “shoulda, coulda, woulda”. They slip by our attention most of the time because of how deeply programmed we have become to bet against ourselves. We are lost under the influence of a dream world of hypotheticals instead of being the freaking warriors we are.
Ask yourself where is this ‘should’ coming from and what is the result of holding on to it.
Deprogramming your mind from limitation is not a one-off thing. It is not going to be mastered by adopting a slogan or reading an Instagram post. However, .as you can eliminate one “shoulda”, “coulda” or “woulda”, you will also start to gain the confidence, readiness, and mastery to liberate yourself from the machinery of this neurosis.
Start dropping importance to your “shoulda, woulda, coulda”
If you just set out to be liked, you will be prepared to compromise on anything at any time and would achieve nothing
– Margaret Thatcher