ROY GAN

Author

Ever feel guilty for not loving another? I have.

Ever feel worse when you know the right thing to do is love but you can’t love in the moment? I have.

Ever feel uneasy when you judge another? I have.

Ever feel awful when you can’t forgive? I have.

Ever judge yourself for being judgmental? I have.

 You see whenever you believe unquestioningly in lack, it will always create a vicious cycle in our mental processes. The belief that I can lack love, control and safety is a closed loop system where I can only react from the prejudice of lack.

We can observe this in real time.

The more you are anxious you are about an outcome, the more the sense of fear will imagine scenarios of failure and the quicker our fears will prove justified. This is how the neurotic mind works.  It creates contradictory energetic patterns in our thinking and feelings and places the cause out there, which reinforces our sense of being helpless to influence our situations in any significant way.

When we become aware of this pattern of thinking, we are also free from it. It takes but an instant of recognition to shift from worry to unconcern. It takes but an a moment to decide differently. It takes but an instant to awaken.

 

“All self-sabotage, lack of belief in ourselves, low self-esteem, judgments and criticisms and demands for perfection are forms of self-abuse in which we destroy the very essence of vitality.

Deborah Adele

The pursuit of happiness, ironically, is the guarantee that you will not find it. You are both the messenger that you need something outside of you to make you happy and the message that you are lacking happiness now.  It becomes a closed loop, an endless debate with a lot of misspent energy justifying oneself.

So when you try to love when you cannot, without realizing it, you set up another layer of resistance and judgment that keeps you spinning in the hamster wheel of unlovingness. 

“By watching the mechanics of mind, you step out of its resistance patterns and then you can allow the present moment to be.

Eckhart Tolle

Neurosis happens within the framework of the mind that thinks it can be a victim to its own self. This is insanity and meaningless.

So how do you stop spinning the wheels of neurosis and endless debate? You can’t.

The secret is when you stop trying not to spin the wheel and make that an important thing, the very wheel collapses along with the thinker (hamster). The wheel is the excessive importance you give to justify and explain yourself constantly. The secret to the maze of your mind is to see that the walls within the limited parameters of what you have set and think is possible, are all illusions. And how do you handle illusions? By merely seeing them for what they are. There is no maze.

When you stop the need to justify and explain yourself, you will also stop experiencing guilt.

When you let go of the need for seeking other people’s approval, you are naturally loving.

Handling difficult Emotions

“Emotions are temporary states of mind. Don’t let them permanently destroy you.

Unknown

It may be fine and dandy to see the irrationality of fear and guilt. But when difficult feelings come up, we can feel like we are going under a wave and unable to catch our breath. When we can learn about our emotions and handle them consciously, we can surf even the most difficult of waves.

It is important to recognize that our feelings are juicier versions of our thoughts and beliefs. And because we belief in time, there is a lag response.  So it is important view our feelings not as something to be escaped from but valuable inroads into our mental diet.  

Difficult feelings are the result of this neurotic pattern of thinking and self-defeat. 

There are a few ways we can mis-handle our feelings.

We can suppress and repress them which then creates another layer of judgment around them. This becomes a descent into more fear and stronger emotions. Fear begets fear. Neurosis teaches more neurosis.

We can also attack our emotions and make them wrong. Attack is another form of fear expressed so when we make ourselves wrong for being fearful, we criminalize these emotions even more, making them something to be feared instead of accepted and loved.

 

Difficult emotions like fear and guilt are like a bottom feeder. They express and concurrently create deeper and encrusted mental patterns of self-sabotage when further resisted and judged. It becomes a downward spiral into more irrationality, separate thinking and confusion. What we resist our emotions, they persist. When we judge them, we sustain them. When we accept them, we also release them. We experience Freedom.

When we can clearly see how patterns of reactivity to our painful emotions are not helpful, we also stop trying to escape from them. In seeing the meaningless of self attack and the falsity of the fear, we are also no longer swayed by their presence. They are unconditionally accepted when they arise as residue of a past coming up to be seen clearly again and released.  They no longer rule us from within.

Feelings as a GPS System

When we feel happy, we don’t have any concern. Its an effortless flow. They point to a natural state of peace, ease, creativity and vitality. We feel healthy, positive, integrated and constructive. Have you ever noticed that we don’t mentalize happiness? Becasue Happiness and our true nature are One.

On the other hand, when we feel “bad”, we start conceptualizing and creating a lot of labels and judgments and categories for these so called difficult emotions. They stem from unclear thinking which is separating, rejecting and judgmental.  They are symptomatic of an unnatural splitting of ourselves into different parts and denying all responsibility that we are doing it to ourselves. This is an unconscious movement. 

So whenever we feel “bad”, it is an indication that there is something we are believing that is inconsistent with our naturalness. They point to a negative abrasive belief or false frictious interpretation of the situation. They relate to a self perception that is not inconsistent with our true natural state. They point to the criminalisation of yourself for having these emotions. When we can stop for a moment and be present, we are also no longer ruled by the reactivity of these mindless defenses.

 

“Stress is an alarm clock that lets you know you’re attached to something not true for you.

Byron Katie

It can be easy to dismiss fearful emotions prematurely without seeing through them. We call this avoidance or suppression. When we can genuinely see that they are no longer a problem, we are simultaneously welcoming of them and not bothered by them.   We remember ourselves as the all loving, unconditional and imperturbable presence. What is temporary and passing through can no longer sway us from the conviction of our vitality and the permanence of Beingness.

“Be (therefore) not afraid to look upon (your fearful thought and emotions), for freedom lies in looking at it. It would be impossible not to know the meaning of love, except for this… It is essential to bring it into sight, and to make no attempt to hide it. For it is the attempt to balance hate with love that makes love meaningless to you. The extent of the split that lies in this you do not realize. And until you do, the split will remain unrecognized and therefore unhealed.”

A Course in Miracles

When we are mindlessly scrolling through social media, we don’t realize that we are doing so till we become conscious of it. When we are mindlessly fearful of fear, we don’t realize that we are scaring ourselves till we become present and conscious.  Fear is always dispelled in right action and full awareness. 

Be Present

We cannot do Presence. We can only Be Present by choosing to Be Present. It’s that simple. WE cannot do happiness. We can only be Happy. When we are not happy, there is something unconscious that has not become conscious.  There is unnessary mentalization that we need to be awaken to.

We therefore watch our minds by simply deciding to watch our minds and thoughts and face what has not been faced before. It’s not complicated but made complex through unconscious programming of the ego-preservation and past resistance and limitation. In exposing the illusion of fear, we also remember who we are. In protecting fear, we become unconscious. In wanting to balance love with fear, we also create a split and contradiction within ourselves which is symptomatic of the separation. Healing can only come through a single purpose, a single decision, a single seeing.

The fact is We are Beingness. We are Knowingness. We are Awareness.

“If you don’t step outside of your comfort zone and face your fears, the number of situations which make you uncomfortable will keep growing “

Theo Pistorius

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. “

Neal Donald Walsch

Practice

Practice

Observe our difficult emotions in REAL TIME,  as a neurotic fearful pattern of thinking that places you in the position as being at the effect of something that you think is outside of you. Yet our experience shows us that all thought, emotions and the way we respond to the world is an internal matter. You are in control of your inner world. In seeing this, we can peel through the unconscious layers of resistance that semeingly covers our core which is love and assistance.

“Perfect coordination is achieved when the heart and mind are in harmony. To achieve this, listen to the dictates of your heart and stay true to your own beliefs.”

Zeland, Vadim

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