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I am 46 and will be turning 47 years old this year. And it is interesting to see that in all of my earthly existence, there has been irrefutable evidence to prove every thought and belief I have about myself and my relationship to my world.
I have had 2 devastating medical diagnoses, one undiagnosable pain in my stomach that I lived with for 3 years and suicidal thoughts that demonized me for almost half a decade. Today, that reality continues to move into a distant memory and even though the residue of that past still lives within me, it’s no longer a problem. I am no longer defined by it. To the contrary, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. This is because the pain of not knowing was the gift that set me on a path to seek voraciously for something that would teach me how to live, to strive without distraction, and to give meaning and purpose to my life. I was led to Yoga, to study A Course in Miracles (ACIM), the metaphysical teachings of Neville Goddard, Abraham Hicks (the law of attraction), Reality Transurfing and to study under the likes of many other wonderful teachers whom I have had the privilege to cross paths with.
These teachers helped me forge a life track where I no longer gave a F**K to what other people thought and also to recognize where I have attributed excessive significance to things that now have little to no importance. What a relief! With purpose, I can now consciously surf my reality with an open heart and mind, and to navigate an endless sea of shifting images, thoughts and emotions with love and intention. Life is no longer a burden and it isn’t a struggle now to get out of bed everyday.
We have all been hardwired for fear, separation, lack and herd mentality. Like in the “Wizard of OZ”, we have all been programmed to be distracted and to “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain”.
As if by grace, I was magically given a chance to peek behind the curtain to see a hidden structure that underlies all the play of manifestation and beauty of creation. I was miraculously given the opportunity to rewrite the script and I took it unapologetically. Life may not be perfect and there are still challenges but I know I can be in the ebb and flow of life that feels integrated and fulfilling. I do not know what I do not know but I trust that all is truly and deeply ok. And this is only the tip of the iceberg.
The world I see and witness is not independent of my perception of it. I finally understand that. When I was going through a very dark period of constantly picking my reality apart, telling myself how shitty everything was and how life was unfair, it was no wonder that my world reflected that version of reality back to me. After all, I had all the evidence from my broken and traumatic past to prove it and I so desperately needed to be right rather than happy. Grace had to knock me off my victim-pedestal in order for me to become awake as to why my reality was an endless cycle of self-violence that was spiraling out of control. With the veils gently cast off my eyes, I saw clearly for the first time that my life was being run by something other than my Self. This was my first awakening out of the matrix.
Understanding this was the easy part. The hard part was to confront the denial and to do the inner work of deconstructing, investigating and letting go of the narcissism of the past. Deprogramming is not a one-off thing. It is not going to be mastered by reading a post, a bunch of words or someone’s life story. I am not downplaying hope and inspiration but in my experience, it takes an abundant willingness and irreverent fortitude to start to question everything. To break it all down, to rebuild, to think for oneself and to master one’s perception.
Contrary to what I have been taught to believe, Life is not happening to me. It is happening for me. And that everyone and everything in my universe is my Self pushed out. This was not apparent at first, but as I started to love and become appreciative of how my world takes care of me, life also unequivocally proved that theory to be true. The blinders came off and my world started to take on warmer shades of friendliness, kindness, synchronicities, and opportunities. Cliched as it sounds, Love is the only thing that is real. And if this is lost in an ocean of feel-good memes, sugar-coated slogans and self-help rhetoric, I am ok with that.
I am not a guru of any sorts. I am just another soul who found something that works and who finds meaning in loving and sharing. I am simply here to tell anyone who is interested how to turn any difficult and even traumatic situation around by releasing the self-blame and guilt and harnessing the power of the mind. This is my life’s work now.
Happiness is a choice. It is totally up to me. I choose what to think, feel and act. The power of decision is my own. These are my guiding principles. Life has supported every concept that I have had about myself. My world has been riddled with conflict and doubt, and my reality has also been joyful and filled with beauty. The mind is powerful. It can either create reality or make illusions.
It is my intention with this website to give you the tools to breakthrough the old and ancient paradigm of fear and separation and to shift to a new and unwavering sense of Being that is free and in harmony with the Universe. A choice among negative beliefs is no true choice. My invitation to all is to no longer suffer your freedom.
The power is and has always been ours. The magic wand is in your hands. “Expecto Patronum”